On one of the many road trips the kid and I have taken he just randomly throws out there "Fleas have two pee pees." Intersting, I never knew this. so of course because now that I DO know this information I had to share it with my friend. We only ran off with this conversation into a little bit of dirtyness, but honestly who wouldn't?
Me: Fleas have two pee pees.
Kim: Do they?
Me: Yep, that's a fact I have learned.
Kim: Why do you think they need two?
Me: Maybe so they can have threesomes? (really if it's two pee pees would it work that way? hmmm)
Kim: Hmm... I don't see any other reason. You could probably pee a lot faster too. They don't have to spend as much time emptying their bladdes.
Me: Maybe so they can empty their bladders and have sex at the same time?
Kim: Eww! that would be so gross!
Me: SQL!!! I know!!! I'm glad guys don't have two penis's!!!
Kim: Me too!! that would be really weird. where would they put the second one? Maybe their belly
button?
Me: That would be awkward. OMG, could both get off?
Kim: They'd need an extra set of balls.
Me: unless both are somehow connected to the same balls
Kim: They'd at least need some rewiring. Maybe it would be like those two headed snakes or something
Me: Maybe. Then they would have a mind of their own. it could work out for us women. If one finishes before we do there is always a back up one.
Kim: HAHAHA yeah tht sounds like it could work out. If we could stop laughing at it long enough to do anything.
Me: Right?!?! or being grossed out by it rubbing on our stomachs during sex...
P.S. SQL stands for snickering quite loudly this shal catch on!
P.P.S I'm aware that I'm the one that turned it into something dirty... I may have a problem... or not. :)
Friday, May 10, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Slim Shady, supports gays, and fishes for nerds... the actions of teens
My son is definitely the class clown. The stuff he says in class I just have no idea how to respond to it. As long as I don't get a call from the school I guess we are good.
This week Zach has come home and done/said the following:
Zach: Mom, I was standing up in class and my teacher asked why I was standing up, I responded with "I'm the real Slim Shady. But really I just had to get a dictionary."
Zach: Mom, I was talking with Jordan about how I don't understand why people are making such a big deal about guys marrying guys. Jordan was like "you mean you support gay marriage?!" and I told him "well think about it, if guys are marrying guys, then that means there are a lot more babes for us!" Then Jordan told me "Zach, I think you just got me to support gay marriage in one sentence."
Zach: (after tying a piece of string to a pencil and throwing it on my friend) I'm trying to catch a nerd, this is nerd bait.
SMH, I have nothing to say to any of this other than to laugh. And I have no idea where my sons thought process on gay marriage came from since his father isn't in the picture to teach him it's all about babes. Some things he says I know he gets from T.V., but these statements I can't even say they were from T.V. (unless someone knows a show I don't). At least the kid is good for a few laughs! :)
This week Zach has come home and done/said the following:
Zach: Mom, I was standing up in class and my teacher asked why I was standing up, I responded with "I'm the real Slim Shady. But really I just had to get a dictionary."
Zach: Mom, I was talking with Jordan about how I don't understand why people are making such a big deal about guys marrying guys. Jordan was like "you mean you support gay marriage?!" and I told him "well think about it, if guys are marrying guys, then that means there are a lot more babes for us!" Then Jordan told me "Zach, I think you just got me to support gay marriage in one sentence."
Zach: (after tying a piece of string to a pencil and throwing it on my friend) I'm trying to catch a nerd, this is nerd bait.
SMH, I have nothing to say to any of this other than to laugh. And I have no idea where my sons thought process on gay marriage came from since his father isn't in the picture to teach him it's all about babes. Some things he says I know he gets from T.V., but these statements I can't even say they were from T.V. (unless someone knows a show I don't). At least the kid is good for a few laughs! :)
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
You are my sunshine my only... nope not really
My kid can be so sweet one minute and then the next minute he's just a big meanie. Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Does he drink some potion in the middle of the conversations we're having and I just don't see it because he's also a ninja? And if he's ninja where did he get that skill from? I need to stop letting him take MMA and Civil Air Patrol.
So the Benefit Betties were on Great Day Houston this morning. We were in the audience but still. It just so happened that the only real shot you see me in is at the very end when they are scanning the audience and I am the last person you see. Zach watched the recorded show when he got home from school.
Zach: Wow mom, you're like at the VERY end. You're the last thing people see. You are probably the sunshine in their day.
Me: Awww Zach that's so sweet.
Zach: Yeah I mean they are probably thinking "If an unpopular person like her can make it on TV so can I" and that always makes peoples day! They will start believing they can do it too.
Me: Really? you had to go there?
Zach: So when are you going to the big screens? You've been on the small time screen, now it's time to move up.
I swear... goes from sweet to insulting all in a matter of seconds.
So the Benefit Betties were on Great Day Houston this morning. We were in the audience but still. It just so happened that the only real shot you see me in is at the very end when they are scanning the audience and I am the last person you see. Zach watched the recorded show when he got home from school.
Zach: Wow mom, you're like at the VERY end. You're the last thing people see. You are probably the sunshine in their day.
Me: Awww Zach that's so sweet.
Zach: Yeah I mean they are probably thinking "If an unpopular person like her can make it on TV so can I" and that always makes peoples day! They will start believing they can do it too.
Me: Really? you had to go there?
Zach: So when are you going to the big screens? You've been on the small time screen, now it's time to move up.
I swear... goes from sweet to insulting all in a matter of seconds.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Not a real post... just lots of mushyness maybe... emotions blah!
I have to say that it has been extremely hard for me being laid up in bed with this broken foot. I haven't wanted to do anything, including posting stuff on my blog. I have felt left out from all the goings on my friends have been doing and the invites I haven't been getting. I understand, I'm on crutches and inviting me out means you're sort of obligated to help me do things since crutches = not doing much for yourself. And I understand that sometimes I'm not invited out because people think that since I'm on crutches I probably wouldn't want to go (which who knows at the time it may have been true). It's still nice to be invited though so you know you haven't been forgotten. :(
Saying that I have to say that I am THANKFUL to be part of an amazing charity group called Benefit Betties. These ladies are wonderful and I just don't have the words to describe how great they are. They have been so supportive of me with this broken foot and have made a point to make sure I'm not left out when we are at events helping raise funds for the troops or our furry friends. They make sure I have somewhere to sit and I'm still included in conversations and the fundraising and everything.
I know this is just a small thing, but when you can't do anything for yourself (even for a short time) you start to feel like you are useless or worthless. I personally hate asking people for help and I know my amazing son is tired of helping. I hate not being able to get up and get a drink of water and go back to my seat without someone having to carry the water for me. The Betties and other people at the events we have been to haven't made me feel like I have been a burden to them at these events. For that I am truly thankful. Thankful to have such amazing people in my life and to be a part of a group that is so positive and supportive and do their best to make sure no one feels left out or bad. Joining the Benefit Betties has been one of the best decisions I have made in a while. I love those ladies (and my kid of course).
Didn't mean to get all mushy and what not just wanted to voice how thankful I am for the betties. :)
On a side note, my son downloaded a new game on his phone called hungry shark or something like that. And you get to swim around and eat people!!! How awesome is that?!?! want to take some anger out? Go be a shark and eat people! Obviously you can eat fish and stuff too but the people part is more fun.
Saying that I have to say that I am THANKFUL to be part of an amazing charity group called Benefit Betties. These ladies are wonderful and I just don't have the words to describe how great they are. They have been so supportive of me with this broken foot and have made a point to make sure I'm not left out when we are at events helping raise funds for the troops or our furry friends. They make sure I have somewhere to sit and I'm still included in conversations and the fundraising and everything.
I know this is just a small thing, but when you can't do anything for yourself (even for a short time) you start to feel like you are useless or worthless. I personally hate asking people for help and I know my amazing son is tired of helping. I hate not being able to get up and get a drink of water and go back to my seat without someone having to carry the water for me. The Betties and other people at the events we have been to haven't made me feel like I have been a burden to them at these events. For that I am truly thankful. Thankful to have such amazing people in my life and to be a part of a group that is so positive and supportive and do their best to make sure no one feels left out or bad. Joining the Benefit Betties has been one of the best decisions I have made in a while. I love those ladies (and my kid of course).
Didn't mean to get all mushy and what not just wanted to voice how thankful I am for the betties. :)
On a side note, my son downloaded a new game on his phone called hungry shark or something like that. And you get to swim around and eat people!!! How awesome is that?!?! want to take some anger out? Go be a shark and eat people! Obviously you can eat fish and stuff too but the people part is more fun.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
HAPPY EASTER!!!! Easter eggs + frogs = SERIOUSLY BOYS?!?!?!?
First off HAPPY EASTER everyone!!!!!!! I hope everyone is having a wonderful day! I personally am lying in bed with my foot elevated and taking pain meds. I didn't think foot surgery would have me down so much. :( Oh well I will make the most of it.
I spent last night with my mama E and family. We decided to do an adult Easter egg hunt (the only child was my 13 year old kid). So not only did the adults hunt for eggs they hunted for mini liquor bottles as well. Well I personally couldn't hunt anything since I'm on crutches so I sat in a chair holding the basket for everyone to put their eggs in while drinking a glass of wine. The "boys" put a few eggs in the basket and asked my friend Jordan and I to empty the eggs out so they can stuff them again with other stuff. this comment sounded suspicious but since Jordan was "whatever" about it I decided to help her empty the eggs. I was holding the wine in one hand and I opened an egg in the other hand and there was a fucking frog in it!!!! The boys had emptied the egg and stuffed it with a live frog for me or Jordan to open!!!! I screamed "oh shit" and dropped the egg. I was proud of myself for not dropping the egg basket or the glass of wine! of course the reaction had everyone laughing for a while. I'm glad I can amuse people! :) The frog was really just chill about everything he didn't care who held him or touched him or anything. He hung out with us for a while.
I spent last night with my mama E and family. We decided to do an adult Easter egg hunt (the only child was my 13 year old kid). So not only did the adults hunt for eggs they hunted for mini liquor bottles as well. Well I personally couldn't hunt anything since I'm on crutches so I sat in a chair holding the basket for everyone to put their eggs in while drinking a glass of wine. The "boys" put a few eggs in the basket and asked my friend Jordan and I to empty the eggs out so they can stuff them again with other stuff. this comment sounded suspicious but since Jordan was "whatever" about it I decided to help her empty the eggs. I was holding the wine in one hand and I opened an egg in the other hand and there was a fucking frog in it!!!! The boys had emptied the egg and stuffed it with a live frog for me or Jordan to open!!!! I screamed "oh shit" and dropped the egg. I was proud of myself for not dropping the egg basket or the glass of wine! of course the reaction had everyone laughing for a while. I'm glad I can amuse people! :) The frog was really just chill about everything he didn't care who held him or touched him or anything. He hung out with us for a while.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
frozen wine + unicorn horns + sisters = WTF?!?!?!
My son and I were able to visit my little sister and niece this past week for her 21st birthday! She's 21 finally!!!! WOOHOO!!!
We celebrate our Christmas in mid February beginning of March every year. It just so happens that this year I have a broken foot. So we had exchanged gifts and drank wine and these are the photos that came from this. Craziness!!!! I have never laughed so hard in my life. There wasn't one dull moment while I was with my sister.
This is how you defrost frozen wine and ice your broken foot
My son is a majestic unicorn
Unicorn crossing!!! (probably should not try on heels with a broken foot)
More unicorn crossing
Beautiful Unicorns
Not sure if this is a unicorn or super hero or both!
So, needless to say after this weekend I think my kid needs more therapy! LOL I'm having foot surgery soon and I jokingly told my son that I am probably going to die on the table because it's such a simple surgery and that's the kind of luck I have. He responded with "um, no! I keep you alive so that I don't have to live with Aunt Loren. She's crazy!!! I really really don't want to live with her!" LOL I tried to explain to him that she and I are really only crazy when we are together or on the phone with each other. That when I'm not around she'd be like I am with him on a daily basis. only a little bit crazy.
We celebrate our Christmas in mid February beginning of March every year. It just so happens that this year I have a broken foot. So we had exchanged gifts and drank wine and these are the photos that came from this. Craziness!!!! I have never laughed so hard in my life. There wasn't one dull moment while I was with my sister.
So, needless to say after this weekend I think my kid needs more therapy! LOL I'm having foot surgery soon and I jokingly told my son that I am probably going to die on the table because it's such a simple surgery and that's the kind of luck I have. He responded with "um, no! I keep you alive so that I don't have to live with Aunt Loren. She's crazy!!! I really really don't want to live with her!" LOL I tried to explain to him that she and I are really only crazy when we are together or on the phone with each other. That when I'm not around she'd be like I am with him on a daily basis. only a little bit crazy.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
skin suits, the new fashion?? but not really
Oh the conversations I have with people. I don't even know what starts them half the time!
The following is the conversation between a friend and myself.
Me: What are you thinking about?
T: you
Me: what about me?
T: Your face. I want to wear it!
Me: My face?!?! EEEWwwwww you're going to make me into a skin suit?
T: no really I was thinking about your smile and how it was nice to see you again.
Me: Really? Not about wearing me as a skin suit?
T: Uh yeah I'm a psycho killer thank you.
Me: Well I'm just saying... you aren't going to see me for a while unless we meet up during the week. So that could turn you into a psycho killer, it's been known to happen. I have that effect on people.
Me: Because really I'm bigger and shorter than you so the suit would be baggy and high waters on you and thats just a waste of my skin.
T: you could always hem it.
Me: Um it would be too short on you, why would you hem it and make it shorter? Unless you want shorts but then that'd just be weird.
T: And wearing a skin suit in general is just fine right? LOL
Me: Well as long as it's not my skin you're wearing as a suit then sure a skin suit is fine... maybe go with cow skin or something less psycho so you don't end up in prison.
Me: Unless you can make human skin suits look less like human skin... maybe sew it as the liner of a suit so no one sees it but you.
For some reason the conversation ended there. I mean I was offering him a way out to wear skin suits the least he could have done was say thank you! goodness!
P.S. I don't really condone wearing skin as a suit. Just conversations about wearing skin suits. unless you are wearing a skin suit while having a conversation about wearing skin suits and then I will have to boycott being your friend. It's just gross... and at some point would probably be smelly.
The following is the conversation between a friend and myself.
Me: What are you thinking about?
T: you
Me: what about me?
T: Your face. I want to wear it!
Me: My face?!?! EEEWwwwww you're going to make me into a skin suit?
T: no really I was thinking about your smile and how it was nice to see you again.
Me: Really? Not about wearing me as a skin suit?
T: Uh yeah I'm a psycho killer thank you.
Me: Well I'm just saying... you aren't going to see me for a while unless we meet up during the week. So that could turn you into a psycho killer, it's been known to happen. I have that effect on people.
Me: Because really I'm bigger and shorter than you so the suit would be baggy and high waters on you and thats just a waste of my skin.
T: you could always hem it.
Me: Um it would be too short on you, why would you hem it and make it shorter? Unless you want shorts but then that'd just be weird.
T: And wearing a skin suit in general is just fine right? LOL
Me: Well as long as it's not my skin you're wearing as a suit then sure a skin suit is fine... maybe go with cow skin or something less psycho so you don't end up in prison.
Me: Unless you can make human skin suits look less like human skin... maybe sew it as the liner of a suit so no one sees it but you.
For some reason the conversation ended there. I mean I was offering him a way out to wear skin suits the least he could have done was say thank you! goodness!
P.S. I don't really condone wearing skin as a suit. Just conversations about wearing skin suits. unless you are wearing a skin suit while having a conversation about wearing skin suits and then I will have to boycott being your friend. It's just gross... and at some point would probably be smelly.
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